IUD out on Tuesday...conundrum.

Well, after some discussion with DH I decided to get my IUD out earlier this week and start BCP with the next AF. I did some reading on-line and realized that with my timing, there is actually a chance I could have gotten PG this cycle. I keep obsessing about it. Although it definitely wasn't planned and DH would FREAK out, the thought of baby #3 has been crossing my mind lately as friends of mine are TTC #2 right now. We have 2 little boys (hope to put up some posts about them soon...my intention with my first posts was to introduce my family, but as you can see I got side-tracked). Anyway, I've been dreading bringing up the subject with DH because I fear he won't go for it at all. It's an interesting situation. He thinks he is "too old". He's 42, but honestly looks 34 (as one of my co-workers said to me yesterday after meeting him for the first time at my work picnic last Friday). He really does too. He's fit and doesn't have to do anything for it (he has good genes, but I might talk about that more someday...want to be sure he won't ever read this blog first).

Anyway, it's a strange and scary conversation I dread having later this fall. Here is the one thing that gives me some hope. At our u/s for baby #2, when we found out we were having another boy, DH looked at me and said "Maybe when Jacob starts school (that will be in the fall of 2009), we can try again". He really was hoping for a girl and honestly I was too, although I wouldn't say that to anyone but my closest friends. I never want Nicholas to feel like we are dissapointed in him because we most surely are not. Most of the time he is a joy and very sweet...although the terrible 2's haven't been so fun...and he's not even 2 until this Monday.

Back to my conundrum, we FD's a few days before I O'ed (actually not exactly sure when I did, here is my chart: http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/cd702. I was keeping it this month to see if I was actually ovulating before I started on BCP). There are two OK timed FD's in there and I read on the morning I was getting my IUD out that if an egg had fertilized, there was a chance it could now implant. I have to admit the thought really excited me, but I have the fear that DH will feel deceived. I posted about this on one of the webMD boards and got a nasty email back from someone about trying to trick my DH. I was VERY offended at that and now realize why there is hardly anyone on those boards anymore. I digress, though. I feel so conflicted about the whole thing and guilty that I hope that I might be PG. Am I terrible person? I hope not.

I guess only time will tell. I'm not sure anyone reads this yet as I just started, but I will post about what happens next week. I am expecting AF on Tuesday or Wednesday. We'll see if she comes. My midwife actually didn't help my hopes when I asked her about this whole thing. She simply said "Watch, you won't get your period". UGH...don't give me hope. She knew I was OK with whatever happened when we removed the IUD, so don't hold anything against her.

This is getting long and rambling, but I got a new type of BCP this time...Yaz. They are supposed to help skin (one of the major reasons I wanted to switch BC methods, the other was that I have been having 24 day cycles with 8 days of AF...NOT fun) and they are low dosed, so hopefully won't affect my libido, which has suffered from BCP in the past. Anyone have any experience with this one? My insurance didn't cover it, so they were > $50. YIKES. Glad I have lots of money left in flex-spending. Crazy!